14
Apr
08

GONE, GONE FORM OF MAN, TURN INTO THE DEMON, The ALL POWERFUL MC-CAIN!

Funny this I ran into on the D&D blog of FLICKR:

John McCain (Demon Prince of Republicans.) (Lesser God.)

FREQUENCY: Very rare
NO APPEARING: 1
ARMOUR CLASS: -7
MOVE: 3″ (72″ per flight sector on the campaign jet)
HIT DICE: 200 hit points (But first you have to defeat 4d8 Secret
Service Agents)
% IN LAIR: 0%
TREASURE TYPE: All your NATO base are belong to us!
NO. OF ATTACKS: 1
DAMAGE/ATTACK: Invades Iran. Takes 100d20 casualties in first strike
while inflicting 20 x 100d20 civilian casualties. Followed by war of
attrition, economic collapse, recrimination.
SPECIAL ATTACKS: 5% chance of 30,000 Megaton nuclear first strike on
Upper Volta.
SPECIAL DEFENSES: +3 or better weapon to hit. In event of combat, 20%
chance of heart attack per round, followed by the swearing in of
President Santorum. You wouldn’t want that, would you?)
MAGIC RESISTANCE: 80% (10% vs. mind control spells by Cheney.)
INTELLIGENCE: Normal.
CHARISMA: 12 (16 to neocons)
ALIGNMENT: Chaotic evil if under control of Cheney; otherwise Chaotic
neutral.
SIZE: M
LEVEL/X.P. VALUE: X/29,950* (* for impeachment)

A huge, ancient, carnivorous dinosaur from the swamps at the heart of
Republican country, not unlike Godzilla in appearance and wrinkled
integument, McCain has seen better years. Nevertheless he can breathe
fire and threaten to stomp flat the capital city of any country that Fox
News disapproves of with the best of them.

The biggest danger in facing off against a McCain is that he might be
under the mind control of the Svengali-like Cheney, Prince of Darkness.
In this case, he is likely to be lethally aggressive and even more
unpredictable than usual.

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