NPC Thursdays: Silent Joe

“The Smartest Man in the Room”

Darvin shuffled up the steps through the crowded streets and the even more crowded entrance of the Vomiting Dragon; the most notorious shit bar in all of the City of Borel. Located between the Merchant district and both the Sea Port and Air Ship ports in the rancid Green Door District. Here among the poor refugees from the Narrisian front and the starving artist neighborhoods , this is where many of the “Adventurers” would come to meet. Mercenaries, Thieves, Spell Slingers, and Priests of Obscure Gods come to exchange information, make pacts, and group for journeys both of legend and profit. They also come to shit faced dead kobold drunk….

SO among the heavily armored beer drenched warriors, and the scheming sideways glancing rogues, Darvin made his way to the bar. There, working as blur, serving various concoctions that crossed from the 10 known continents, a tall Half Elven girl made her living. All around her people shouted their orders, he only acknowledgement to any of them was a slight nod, or an annoyed glance. Darvin , pushing in, waited till her eyes landed somewhere near him to shout his question. Passing her eyes over him twice, she finally figured he had something to ask. Putting two large mugs of Kaliant Dwarven Lager next to Darvin, where a Grey Half Giant with a huge axe strapped to him and a small Halfing in leather armor, clashed glasses.

“Yeah?!?!”
Startled for a second tried to mouth the words, trying to find the Volume to speak over the crowd to the Half-elf Bartender
“SPEAK!”
Darvin finally got the volume he needed and bellowed over the over the swells of people at the bar
“I”M LOOKING FOR JOE!”
A slender man with fire for eyes standing next to Darvin quipped
“And I’m looking for a drink!”
Raucous laughter followed the crappy joke and Darvin could only rolls his eyes at the idiocy of the drunken crowd. The bartender finally answered as she took a small mammalian brain and dropped into a glass filled with Narrisian Vodka and Elven Cherry wine and hand it to a Squid faced customer in purple robes.
“The back beer garden, by the well!”

Cheating Death….

Yeah I know, “Welcome to last Week”

But it’s hilarious….

Intelligence and Monsters

This is a great article and addressed something I as struggling with both as a player and as a DM. In the long run, Intelligence will also tell if a monster or NPC could even strike back at you. Sure the big dumb troll may fight to the death , calling you a puny punk even as your about to cast burning hands on it’s limbless body, but a Mind Flayer may have an escape route or something, and believe me will plan on dining on your brain later.
That was the other bone of contention I had with INT and monster. Again the dumb troll may think about going one on one with you but a Mindflayer may decide to take you through a maze or divide the group or even teaming with the troll to get you. My DM will sometimes jsut plop the mindflayer in the middle of a room surrounded by treasure for the “Big fight” but then be a gasp as the fighter charges, the rogue tumbles to back stab, the spell caster get lingual on him before the first mindblast.
I hope people take this article to their DMs, if only to point out fo-paws.

NPC Thursdays: Meredith the Mage

“Unexpected Visitor”

Steam rose over the city a mixture of swamp gas and water vapor. The stars were muddied in this haze as the train carrying Meredith plowed past over Roar Tooth sea, on dwarven bridge made wrought iron and stoic architecture. The gaslight making muddied reflections on the water as it past, it’s roar of engines deafening in the dead of where the swamp met the ocean, tall mangrove with their many legged roots scattering into the sea little by little till their was nothing.
The cabins red wood color lit to amber by the lamps swaying above. Other than the hard rumble of the train pushing along muddied tracks, the “ka-thunk” counting the seconds, all was quiet. Meredith folded the paper, the Borelian Bard, and it seemed to be deafening inside her compartment.
Luckily she was alone.

Meredith was always described as a beautiful girl with an old soul. Her pale skin was uneven in powder due to Tilfings humidity, and her hair was a tangle of red wire swept up exposing a long neck. She had khaki men’s shirt that draped over a thin athletic body, and many pocketed vest and pants of worn leather. Her boots were war surplus and made of water proofed Land shark hide covered in muck from three different continents.
She sighed now looking out her window. On her lap was the latest copy the Bard which printed various events from around the known worlds. Meredith was disinterested in the articles about the war, various zeppelin races, and other news of the fantastic. No, she only thought of the destination before her , and the labors ahead. She furrowed her brow at the thought and looked at the darkness outside her window, the forest enveloping the train like the stomach of some mad thing.
She jumped as the cabin door opened.
In came in a Dwarf covered what can only be classified as filth, but in so many layer it was hard to say where one ended and another began. He fell back into the benched seats in front of her and with a half nod to her, fell asleep in a half stupor.
That when the smell kicked in.
Meredith almost gagged when it filled her nostrils. Some perverse cross of bloat dog corpse and wet open ass. She took a handkerchief out fast to cover her nose and only wondered how anybody, or anything could smell that bad. She instantly went to remedy this with a swift motion of her hand and soon glowing arcs appeared in a perfect circle. They glowed brightly in midair like trained lightning Bugs put into a pattern and glowing brightly together, the layer of crusted mud and dirt began to lift off the the unconscious dwarf. The spell was meant to clean almost any sort of grime or filth off anything but it seemed that it would take several application of the spell with the help of an Efreeti amplifier to do nay real good against the man now asleep in front of her. As least for now, she could smell herself, now only having to smell what seemed to be wet dog fill the cabin, that compared to the previous odor, was a pleasantry.

Meredith look at her handy work and saw that dwarf wore runed armor and and had a swagger of tools and weapons upon him. As curiosity touched her, Meredith looked closer to the Dwarf’s person between his tangled burnt beard and encrusted armor to his various seals and such. He was carrying a virtual arsenal of arcane tools and weapons and wondered hoe anyone could let him on a Borealian Rail train, much less the private passenger cart.
“Royal Knife”
Meredith jumped back at the dwarf as he stirred to look at her, he eyes having creaked open.
“What?” Meredith said, her hand already on her Stalgese wand she kept on her for emergencies. It would little to him, but at least she would get a running chance.
“Royal Knife….Ex-Royal Knife actually. Les me on bord to anay train in Borels Bordah”
Meredith eye brows cocked a bit a this. Royal Knives were the Borel Royal Adventure and Exploration Guard made up of some the toughest and deadliest soldiers in the Known world. They were trained to take on Dragons and Giants, and even now were the first to master Planar Travel. They were legends in their own time and kept secret. Now, Meredith was looking at one.

Or maybe just lying sack of monkey spunk trying to impress a girl in a train in the middle of the night.

The Dwarf moved forward a bit and offered and heavily gloved hand to her and on it, she saw the ring that proved his story: an Archenon Circle, a royal seal of service to the King of Borel. Meredith eyes it’s Magical qualities and knew that if it was a fake, it was a fake at least worth of respect.

Anybody knew where….

…where I can preregister for the fourth edition? Looky

Another thing, I was reading the preview book, “Worlds and Monsters” and fourth edition seems promising, if only because the rules for CR and such will be revamped into a more balanced outlook. Now as for the monster….meh…

Good blogs I’m reading of late, Vizhon’s and Jonathan Jewels D20 resources, both wealthy in knowledge and good ideas.

NPC Thursdays: Terris the Unkillable

The Many Deaths of Terris

“Terris lumbered up the mountain side, cursing as he slid here and there, looking ever behind him. His pants grew louder and louder, straining to get himself up. As much as the gravelly surface hindered him, he could only hope his Ancestors would curse his pursuers with worst luck than him. Going up, he paused at slight Plataea that jutted out of the dull gray rock and looked down upon the scene and gasped.

“The zombies had not let up, they kept creeping and moving a slow methodical climb up, slow as they did, they never seemed to faulter as they went, and were closer than he thought.
“Ancestors fuck me!”
He took up his hefty iron pistol, a warped thing of metal and wood, wrapped around each other into and hard horned point looking more like a silly crusty trumpet, than a weapon. Loading the powder in a deep practiced methodical move, Terris looked up as he rammed the solid metal bearing down the guns gullet. As one of the zombies opened its maw at him, looking upon Terris with an eyeless skull head, writhing in maggots, the Stout dwarf roared as he let loose a shot. The sound thundered across the mountain and the shot sped hard and in mean a spin and ripped through the skull of the zombie, exploding chunks of necrotic flesh about. Seeming to lose balance at the loss of it’s head, it tried to stand on the rolling rocks, and proceeded to tumble, black rotten blood splashing about, rolling down the side, ramming into the plague of zombies as it did, causing a small avalanche of pebbles and half-dead bodies to go down the mountain.
Terris grinned at himself, happy his plan was working. For now.
Terris worked his way up knowing that zombies, as putrefied body bags of plagued meat, were still persistent when a necromancers sends them on their way. And since the last words uttered by the Blackskull Priest was “Rip his cock off and gag him with it”, Terris decided not to take chances.
Reaching a mountain clearing, Terris legs wobbled on hard ground a bit as he got back footing, relieved to have some ground to run on.
Moving his way towards the path that would lead him through, he hoped to make his way down to the Elkoro Forest and hopefully down Eldyne river towards the Roar Tooth sea and be protected at least from the Undead monsters after him. Their at the Red Barter Station he should catch a rail to Borel.

He would have to tend to insane druids before then, but that was a whole other matter.

Moving down, rock to rock, he let his round squat eyes peer into the dark gloom ahead of him, the darkness peeling away under a sudden green glare from his eyes as he peered through. Dwarves, living with the earth, knew darkness before light, and have a hold on keen senses in the darkness. Hopping about, Terris went into a trot as he moved into the rock formations ahead. Moving around he calculated that he could have a good 3 hours break from the zombies if he kept his pace, and if he played his cards, he would reach sunrise by the river and be home free.
He didn’t see the arrow that hit him as so much hear it.
The hard thunk of the metal tip of metal scales made enough force for him to lose a step but could not cause any real damage to him, the point not breaching even his cloth shirt. Looking with wide green eyes, he looked about as looked to see what could have shot him.
That what she wanted.
A snap of a second bowstring and the second arrow lodged in his throat fast enough to sting before the blood pooled out.
Terris fell back, his arms grabbing pistol and short sword out in a fast-whirl,. He labored his breathing any huff, and the blood spilled down his shirts and his throat at same time, never panicking at his fatal wound. This was the control he learned so well as a Royal Knife for the King of Borel, and now his unknown assailant would know how far such a warrior can go.
The would-be assassins clutched the darkness around Terris, trying to creep like shadows upon him.
“Smart fuckas, yeh be, making me shift like that.”
A sliding foot, and twirl of a cloak only answered back
“Knew ya couldn’t hurt a son of da urt by da back, so ya got to get me bai da front, eh?’
More silence and movement
“Well den… not much for talk. So lets get dis over wit!”
A figure came howling in.
Terris met the eye of the assasins with a thrust of his axe swinging wildly with a roar but only catching air. Now he had to backtrack as the black clad assassins came at him, hissing in a foreign tongue for his death.
“Come oon now, you sons of beeches, les’s see what ju got!” bellowed the already wounded dwarf, not sure if this was his end in this world.
The shorter of the two murderers coiled back, as the other closed in blades swinging in sequential arcs of steel. Certain death would have befallen Terris, but dwarven training and magical prowess came to aid, his magical axe covering several blows. As one blow glanced off his armor, Terris winds around, slicing down. The assasin reels back, the axe humming as it slices the cloak of the black thing that walked as man.
That’s when the others shadow seemed to ripple and came at Terris with preternatural speed the blades dripping green gore and smoking haze.
Terris did not flinch, but met what he guessed to be the assasins face with bloody swear and swiped at the shadow. The axe now bellowed as it sank deep into the shadowed flesh. What seemed to sound like whore queefing exuded from the wound and the thing fell with a sick thud, a sick piece of meat wrapped in rags.
The other shadow curled about the rock walls seeming to be astonished at it’s compatriots death
“Aight, ya’ piece of black sissy smoke, come meet yer end, too!”

******

Terris is a veteran adventurer, soldier, spy, and thief and has a wealth of knowledge and experience in everything of Essidarius, from it’s people and politics to magic and the supernatural. They Call him Terris the Unkillable, because many of the famous stories have him dying in the end. This is al Terris idea, for the best way to cover ones tracks is to misinform and he uses that to his advantage.
Terris is a good man, all in all, but he doesn’t mind getting dirty in any way, and has been known to associate with both good (his child hood friend, Semec, is Dwarven High Priest of Grome) and also the bad (He buys his daily weed and plays chess with Guuuttrrrrkrunch, a Mindflayer herbalist) so it’s possible he will seek out bale bodies to help him in vairous quest and could be a source for adventure ideas for your characters and for your campaign.

Rumors:
+Even though the Royal Knives are now out of Active duty and are only held as retinue to the Good Prince of Borel, Terris seems to be the most visibly active, coming in and out with various stories and odd tales. Many of these stories seem to not make sense when you put them together, which maybe a way for Terris to keep misinforming and making sure people don’t know the truth of his comings and goings.

+Some Believe Terris to be a rogue agent of the court, somebody doing the dirty work for the Prince so that he may not get his hands dirty. Others says that the Prince himself and other Royal Knives want him dead as much as anyone else.

+Terris recently has been seen in the northern plains and hillside cities and town with a necromancer named Shadib Null and has been helping him against some new secret evil.

Terris, the Unkillable, Member of the Royal Knives

male mountain dwarf Brd2/Rog7/Rgr3 CR 12
HD 9d6+3d10; hp 56
Init +4 Spd 20 ft

AC 28/24, touch 16, flat-footed 28/24
(+4 Dex,+2 nat,+4 armor,+2 armor enh.,+2 shield,+2 shield enh.,+2 defl.);

BAB +9; Melee trident +12/+7 (1d8+5+2d6 holy) and punching dagger +12 two-handed (1d4+3+1d6 fire/x3), or trident +14/+9 (1d8+5+2d6 holy), or punching dagger +14/+9 light (1d4+5+1d6 fire/x3); Ranged BRONZEARMS PISTOL +15/+10 (1d8+6/x3)

SA sneak attack +4d6, +1 attack vs goblinoids, +1 attack vs orcs;

SQ +2 save vs fear, +2 save vs spells, +4 dodge vs giants, bardic knowledge, bardic music, darkvision 60′, evasion, favored enemy (1), uncanny dodge (AC), uncanny dodge (flank);

AL CN;
SV Fort +7, Ref +13, Will +5;
Str 18(+4), Dex 18(+4), Con 11(+0), Int 13(+1), Wis 9(-1), Cha 17(+3).

Skills and Feats: HIDE+8(5), SPOT+8(7), LISTEN+7(6), MOVE SILENTLY+7(4), appraise+4(3), balance+11(6), climb+9(6), decipher script+4(3), disable device+2(1), disguise+4(1), escape artist+6(3), forgery+2(1), jump+14(9), knowledge(arcana)+3(2), knowledge(geography)+2(1), knowledge(religion)+2(1), open lock+10(6), perform+8(5), pick pocket+9(6), spellcraft+3(2), tumble+16(11), use magic dev+8(5), use rope+5(1), wilderness lore+3(4);

alertness, ambidexterity, combat reflexes, endurance, great fortitude, quick draw, track, two-weapon fighting.

Brd Spells Known: (cast 3/1) (DC = 13 + spell level) 0–Detect Magic, Flare, Mage Hand, Mending, Open/Close; 1–Grease, Hypnotism.

Equipment: +1 Bronzearm Pistol (distance), +1 punching dagger (`flaming), 39 +1 bullet(s) (distance), +1 trident (`holy), +2 adamantine chain shirt (spell resistance (13)), +2 mithral large shield (blinding), Bag of Holding (Bag 2), Candle of Truth, Scarab Golembane (stone), `Amulet of Natural Armor (+2), `Cloak of Charisma +2, `Gauntlets of Strength +2, `Gloves of Dexterity +2, `Ring – Protection +2, Archenon Circle, a royal seal of service to the King of Borel, Potion of Alter Self, Potion of See Invisibility, Potion of Vision, Scroll of Detect Good (CL1), Scroll of Detect Secret Doors (CL1), 21 gp.

Lessons to go by….

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HELLS YEAH!

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….and thats what this blog is about!

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